Sunday, November 11, 2012

Let’s see what else you don’t know :) U noticed once that I connect some songs to something… where I heard them, with whom I was, I was blue/happy, stuff like this. Well, let’s take this one.

I’ve been listening to it since January, when I was at home, filling my time with some Dj courses, aerobics, massage, manicure, restaurants, parties. Partying in January can be overwhelming. Everybody is trying to get back on their feet, there are some who keep going like it’s December all over again. It was the first time after ten years when I had the courage to put myself into the position of trading excel for music. In January, music, the thing that’s keeping me alive, won.

In February, excel won. Yes, mainly, it was for the money. I live because I’m good at math and I keep an eye open to what’s going on around me. That’s how I earn my living and that’s my intellectual challenge. I got back to excel on February because I noticed I sucked at being a Dj and because my pocket was screaming for some excel-challenging-money-producing activity. And I remembered why I didn’t become a dj in the first place: cause Djs are all so sort of high and so sort of poor when it comes to thinking. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not being judgmental here; I’m just noticing that they talk mostly about chicks, politics, pills and beats.

It’s been a year. It doesn’t matter if right now I’m happier or not. What matters is that I’m older. One year older than this song, 15 years older than the first time it happened and still, the only thing I appreciate are hands dancing in the air, a crowd of smiling dancers and a beat that is gonna make u remember when you first heard it forever. Look, this song, I can remember the blouse I was wearing, the hour, the guy I was kissing, the club I was dancing into. Is it good or bad to know that much about a song?

Friday, October 14, 2011


It’s been five years now; if I think it over it may be exactly 5 years today from “the big crisis day”. The second time in my life when I’ve seriously considered taking advantage of my 6th floor positioning to put an end to this. And yes, it’s true. I don’t want you anymore. I look at myself and find me desiring none. How is it to feel, when you’re 32, that you want a teacher to take you through the journey all over again? To teach you how to move, to dance, to understand, to overcome, to smile your day without pills… Can I get one of those, please? I’m crying for nothing. I understand I’m just losing water and clearing eyes for no reason at all. ‘Cause I don’t want anything right now. Except a new journey, but that I know, it’s not possible.

Shall I see myself tomorrow again?

Monday, April 4, 2011

the beat that's only making you stronger

Defining day and worshiping night...

It starts with this and for now it ends with this

If it ever happens to wake up and feel the urge to listen and to dance, pick one of these and you'll know you have me all :) Picture out the British morning weather, the crowded subway and the dizzy-smiling figure slowly, just slowly enjoying the beat... the new grass-green shoes, the slightly pink sun glasses worn when others fight their umbrellas... i'm diving through Bucharest and smiling to you, wherever :*.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

The “instead of you”

Because the clubbing nights with slight impressions of seeing your face in the crowd have never stopped. I’m still dancing as you are there to enjoy. I’m still picturing you with a glass of whisky standing around the bar and watching people around you. I’m always shivering when I have to go the bar to get a drink… I’m afraid you’re gonna be there and my heart will stop that very second and my eyes will never forget the looks of you and they will hurt forever. Because I’m waking up in the morning, breathing Bucharest dirty air and feeling happy knowing you might be around here somewhere. Probably you’re not, but you just might.

In the middle of all this, taken down by music, nothing to live for and the pain for the winter soon to come, I found the “instead of you”. Some years younger, energy flowing all over his body, mind focused on music and beauty of life in your twenties. I freaked out last night. In the darkness of the bedroom he looked just like you. Or am I going crazy again?

Now what? Do I have to step again to my Kristal church to get you back into my eyes or from now on it’s going to be the instead of you’s image all over my life and my dancing nights? Will you meet me in Kristal this winter?

Monday, September 13, 2010

September story, traveling never ends

In dimineata in care m-am decis sa plec, un fior de panica mi-a traversat frizura, as usual, short grey :) Zilele astea ma uit in urma la 4 ani de Seroquell; in fata, inca unul. Asta e povestea. Adevarul e, probabil, ca I’m stuck with it. Whatever. Am celebrat anii astia de dizziness cu un scurt sejur in Brasov. Vreme intai frumoasa, ulterior o ploaie relaxanta de toamna care se vrea hot. Hotel de nota 10, atmosfera de hai-sa-nu-facem-nimic-cu-toate-ca-suntem-in-delegatie. Plecarile astea sunt mult mai usoare decat acum 4 ani. Parfum, le-ar spune little brother.

M-am intalnit cu C. Eu mancam o supa, el astepta sa spun ceva interesant. N-am gasit nimic. Decat ca supa e buna :) Dar asta a fost mai degraba anost. Ma declar vinovata de “no interest” tratamente aplicate barbatilor. Invariabil, un personaj ipotetic interesant devine faptic indiferent. In noaptea care a urmat te-am visat pe tine. Ca si cum tu n-ai dormit in seara aia, ci ai stat treaz, asteptand sa adorm eu, ca sa ma gadili un pic aducandu-mi aminte ca esti in zona. Ma rog… in zona mea zero, in zona ta multimea vida. Adica still missing.

Ok. I’m still missing u 2.